Finding strength in vulnerability. What does that mean?
I thought I should reflect upon the title and purpose of this blog. Last year, while attending ELAC, I had an "A-ha" moment. While listening to a key note speaker, Sean Aiken, I realized the importance of vulnerability. For many years, I had been disappointed with the direction my career had taken. I was angry, bitter, and resentful. I told myself that "leaving the profession" to heal, have my family, and be "a mom" were for noble causes and to refrain from becoming a bitter teacher.
I experienced, as many young teachers do, a professional speed bump where one feels marginalized and disrespected. The result of this is - not having a contract after years of temporary service. Instead of "pulling up my big girl underwear" and moving forward, I hid. I hid from the profession, former colleagues, and anyone who sought to encourage me to continue teaching.
Eight years later, I began to "put it out there." I start to slowly sub. I had noticed that the years away from teaching had in fact created resentment and a lack of confidence in my abilities. As I began to work more, my resentment decreased and my confidence increased. Soon, I found myself with a temporary contract covering for a teacher on a medical leave. I look back and I believe that had I not embraced subbing and "put myself out there," I would have not had this opportunity fall in my lap.
After a hiatus of nearly nine years, returning to the profession had some challenges. I soon realized the challenges of balancing three young children with a full course load of high school ELA planning and marking. I realized the changes in students, assessment, pedagogy, and the presentation of curriculum. I had to embrace being vulnerable, seek help for other colleagues, and find creative ways to balance a personal and professional life. From embracing vulnerability, I soon saw growth and confidence blossom.
Still, today, two years later, I am still on a temporary contract with the hopes of one day having my own classroom/position. However, I have come a long way in a short time. I have connected to a school community where I have made profound connections to students, staff, and the school community. I have realized and achieved some personal and professional goals, and am on my way to achieving things I had given up on five years ago. I credit this to holding fast onto a dream, putting myself out there, and flying with the opportunity to prove myself.
"Vulnerability is the most accurate measure of courage" - Brene Brown
